Theme for this week: Vehicles

Who's Your Ideal Mate?

"My ideal mate would be a chiseled Chinese Indonesian who loves cows, sits next to me in church and who would happily beat me senseless when I cook the rice for two minutes longer than normal."

Thanks for that, Tim of Wadestown. 

A typical response from my Year 11 class (we were studying Romeo & Juliet at the time): "My perfect mate should has beautiful from it's physically and her hearts. She must has height around +- 175cm, also she must have nice, smooth and long hair =p"

I couldn't have put it better myself. 

For more insight into the inner workings of Indonesian teenagers' minds, go to my profile and check out the blog called "Romeo and Juliet". There are 40 comments, all written by Year 11 students. 

Money Talks

A Harvey Nichols luxury store opened in Jakarta recently after the owners looked carefully at the spread of wealth between Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore. Official statistics showed there are at least 3,500 wealthy households here, which translates into a goodly amount of potential buyers. So what do they mean by 'wealthy households'? Millionaires? Think again; each household is worth at least US$100 million. I also read somewhere that the new Indonesian 'middle class' is roughly equivalent to the entire population of Australia. Now that's the sort of market you want to tap into.....    

Subtitles from Hong Kong Martial Arts Movies

All these subtitles show pretty common mistakes but they're still hilarious. They're not necessarily wrong - just very, very literal translations. I found these on the Internet but from now on we're going to keep a record of the funniest ones we see on our pirate DVDs: so far 'Kung Fu Panda' has featured the worst (or best, depending on which way you look at it) subtitles. 

1. "I will kill you until you are dead from it"
2. "I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair" (As Tears Go By)
3. "Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep" (Pedicab Driver)
4. "I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!" (Pom Pom and Hot Hot)
5. "You daring lousy guy" (Satyr Monks)
6. "This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat"
7. "How can you use my intestines for a gift?" (The Beheaded 100)
8. "Take my advice or I'll spank you without pants" (The Seventh Curse)
9. "You are too useless. And now I must beat you"
10. "Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination."

Gamya Gamana: Freak Wedding

An article in Jakarta Post the other day:

A cow, 5 months pregnant, was towed out to sea and left to drown because she'd been caught "red-handed" having sexual intercourse with a village elder. The villagers believe the cow was impregated by the man. He also joined the boat trip in order to throw away his clothes, which symbolises him discarding his sins. 

The ritual, called gamya gamana, or freak wedding, has been conducted in Buleleng for generations.  

Tukang Bakso Song

Abang tukang bakso

Mari-mari sini, aku mau beli

Abang tukang bakso

Captlah kemari, sudah tak tahan lagi.

Satu mangkak saja

Lima ribu perak

Yang banyak baksonya

Tidak pakai sambal

Tidak pakai saos

Juga tidak pakai kol.

Bakso bulat seperti bola pingpong

Kalau lewat membikin perut kosong

Jadi anak janganlah suka bohong

Kalau bohong digigit sapi ompong.

Bakso seller passing

Come in I want to buy

Please hurry and come

I'm really hungry.

Just one bowl

5,000 rupiah

with lots of bakso

with no sambal.

With no sauce

With no cabbage

Shaped like pingpong balls

When passing in front

Makes my tummy hungry, no lie

If I lie the cow with broken teeth will bite me.

Feel that burn

"Apa kabar?" = how are you?

This morning I politely asked my yoga teacher "apa bakar".... Translation? "What are you barbequing?" How we laughed.